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I started writing LEAP because I wanted to learn what it feels like
to do the next years well. People at this age tend to fall into three
groups: those who are being forced out of their work and feel like
Willy Loman, desperately trying to stay in the game; those who are
making changes on their own because they don't want to repeat what
they've done for the last 30 years; and those who are charging ahead
on the same course, finding that their experience makes them more
effective and successful. But many are re-thinking what's important
and how we'll live.
For me, the transition was painful. My kids were leaving for college,
my partner--the cowboy I’d planned to spend the rest of my years
with--rode off with no discussion, and I couldn't find work in television--which
had been my day job for 25 years. I felt I was being stripped of my
identity. My kids, my lover and my livelihood were being yanked away
at once, and there was nothing I could do.
I interviewed more than 150 people in different fields who are grappling
with the question: What's the next part of life about? We may have
30 more years of vigorous health, lust, and a desire to contribute
and create.
What I discovered was that everyone must go through the narrows—the
transition to a different phase of life—even if it's only on
the physcial level. Maybe your knees or hips wear down, or you find
you can’t drink as much and stay out as late without paying.
You’re compelled to shift gears, and you won’t come out
unchanged. Like the insect in the cocoon, you’ll be turned to
soup and reforged, but it won’t be sudden and complete like the
butterfly emerging with new wings. This morphosis is ongoing.
Tom Hayden, the Sixties activist, says he had a "shattering
transition" to this time of life. After 18 years in the California
legislature, he lost a municipal election to a man half his age, suffered
heart failure and had a quintuple bypass, followed by depression.
Now he's forging a new role, teaching and inspiring young people to
work in politics. "We can be freer now than we’ve been since
we were 20" he says. "We may have 30 more years to give
the system hell!”
What happens to love, and sex? How can women not become touch-deprived
if they outnumber men and aren't gay? What if your partner leaves
or dies? Will we keep coupling and recoupling?
Boomers will handle this transition as they have handled everything
else. We proceed as if no one has ever gone through it before, even
though we know they have. We do research, we experiment and we learn
from each other, because we don't see any models. Most of us are not
going to move to the Sun Belt, buy an RV, or just play golf and fish.
We want to follow our own lights as never before, and we will forge
a different way.
Topics I Cover:
- The Narrows - The rough passage to the next part of life,
when you feel you're being stripped of your identity and purpose.
We've raised our kids, made a mark in our field. Why are we still
here?
- Trying to hang on - Having your face lifted and other ways
to say it ain't so.
- Facing facts - Dealing with your kids leaving home. Becoming
a "master" - the p.c. word for older.
- Stepping out of the Box - Taking risks, leaving your comfort
zone. As Crosby, Stills & Nash sang: "What have you got to
lose?"
- Giving Back - You marched when you were young? How can you
help make the world better now?
- The Inner journey - In the East, this time of life is reserved
for intense spiritual work. Will we pursue that?
- Actresses, Supermodels and Musicians - Stories of women who
had the great bodies, and musicians who had the great chops. Can they
still rock 'n roll?
- Expansion of love and sex - Do we end up with a partner or
alone? Joan Hotchkiss, the actress who gave a one-woman show in L.A.
about sex after fifty, said: "I refuse to go unfucked to my grave!"
- Moving - Why and where do we move? Some do it to live more
simply, some to build a dream house, some to form a community and
grow old with a little help from our friends.
- Surrender - Do we rage against it or do we accept: we're
not in control?
- Rituals - Some do it with prayers, some with red thong panties
and the Rolling Stones. How do we start this excursion to the unknown?
Take the Quiz - Ready or Not?
I had a major birthday recently, and my friend Joan
Borysenko sent me a list of questions to answer, to clarify what I
wish from the years ahead. Try answering them yourself.
Complete the following sentences:
I realize life is both precious and short. When the angel death comes
to my door, I will be ready to go because...
The thing I will miss most when life is over is...
I have finished with... (name both good things and difficulties)
I still yearn to...
In the years to come, I will be grateful for...
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