This is a serial about love and awakening. Previously: While I’m recovering from a ski wreck, Billy forces me to say yes or no to him, and I say no. Click here to start with Part One. To read former posts, go to right hand column and check “Recent Posts.”
After reading Billy’s goodbye email, I told my friend Claire, who’s a psychotherapist, I was thinking of calling him.
“Why would you do that?” she asked.
“I want to apologize for putting him on hold for so long. And….there’s something else…”
I was not sure what that was, what was making me so unsettled. “Some small doubt… like, maybe I shut the door on something that might have had a glimmer of possibility?”
Claire looked dubious.
The next morning, I called Billy and said, “I hate to end things by email. The next time you’re in Boulder, why don’t we talk in person?”
A few days later, he called and said he was driving up for the Boulder Film Festival and would be staying with his sister, who worked for a solar panel company.
It was a great day for solar panels – brilliantly sunny in February – when Billy arrived in a BMW convertible with the top down. I’d forgotten how attractive he is: tall, lean, with large blue eyes and a playful, teasing manner. He gave me a lithograph that a Western artist had drawn of Billy in his 20’s. In between the lines of the drawing, Billy had written in tiny print you had to stare at closely to read: “I wish I’d kept you awake for more than one night.”
Most surprising — and disquieting – I felt the same jolt of energy pass through me that I’d experienced that first night at the Grisly Rose. My entire body wanted to connect with his. We eyed each other, cautiously, like two animals.
After lunch, we talked about what had happened since the accident. He said he’d felt rejected and dismissed. I said I’d felt he was unreasonably angry and quick to lash out. He didn’t understand why I had to be so inactive with a broken collar bone. His sister and mother hadn’t been that way. “If the bones are in the same area code, they’ll connect,” he said. I told him my doctor had said the nature of the break made it uncertain whether they’d connect without surgery, which I wanted to avoid because I have a history of phlebitis, which makes surgery dangerous.
We relaxed, and before long we were talking and laughing like old friends. When Billy left, he gave me a hug and we felt our bodies line up perfectly, as if they’d been cut to match. He said, with some surprise, “I thought you wanted to break up with me in person.”
“I think we should keep the door open,” I said.
TO BE CONTINUED
Please leave a COMMENT. Have you had a relationship that started badly and ended well? Do you think that’s possible here?
This blog is based on a true story, but I’ve changed names and identifying details to protect privacy. I’ve also, in a few cases, compressed time or altered elements to serve the narrative.
The title “Sex Love Enlightenment” is an homage to Mark Matousek’s book, Sex Death Enlightenment.