This is a serial about love and awakening. Previously: Billy and I go on a four-day bender of sex, drugs & rock ‘n roll. To see all posts in chronological order, Click Here.
The next time I visit Billy, he gives me a lifeless peck on the cheek.
“Is something wrong?” I ask.
“Your age is troubling me,” he says. He’s eight years younger than I, and this is the first I’ve heard it troubles him. The last two men I’ve been with, including my ex husband, were ten years younger, and their response to the age difference was, “Who gives a damn?”
Billy does. He says he’d rather be with someone who won’t get old before he does. I point out that he knew my age from the first time we met. “Maybe your mind is throwing this up now because it’s one thing we can never fix, talk through or compromise about. I’ll always be older.”
He nods. “It’s a brilliant way to check out, don’t ya think?”
I sigh. I have my own doubts about the viability of this relationship. Billy’s not working and has no focus. He shows no ability to see the other person’s point of view—his perception is always “correct” and mine is wrong. He has few friends. After living in Colorado all his life, he has one male friend with whom he never talks intimately, and two women friends who’re ex lovers.